The one where I defend the need for societal assent because
screw psychology, let’s be realistic
This
isn’t an listicle (despicable word btw) telling you the 79 things you need to
do, to feel better about yourself- go back to BuzzFeed for that. I have lately
been evaluating the quality of my social interactions. Most people who know me
(and probably the only ones reading this blog) would agree that I can oscillate
between being a wallflower and wooo girl depending on where I lie on the scale
of my comfort zone. But here’s the thing- after each of my social call,
unfailingly, I have scored myself on performance. I mean not literally scoring
myself on 1 to 10 (but if I was to, I would at least be a 6.5) but just satiating
my inner critic’s need for self-approval.
And note that I might say self-approval, but what I really think it is- is
plain old social validation- a subject that intrigues me increasingly these
days.
Before
you start assuming that it has anything remotely to do with
introversion/extroversion- Let me say that in my experience extroverts are
actually more susceptible to this feeling than the socially awkward introverts
(No, I don’t have a psychology degree to prove this sweeping generality, but I
observe, so sue me!) Some basic search on the subject matter might lead you to
articles suggesting why one must, at all costs, release this desire to get
external validation. And if you pursue the search, it will actually direct you
a local psychologist’s contact number. I kid you not.
 |
| In case you're suffering from a serious bout of "Do you approve?" |
So basically everyone, from Oprah to Baba
Sehgal is trying to tell you that you gotta
do your thang, but you KNOW, and that sinister little self critic knows,
that your existence is pointless without a constantly bobbing self/social nod.
And now I am tempted to write about the causal affect of Facebook, amongst
other miseries of millennial life, but I will save it for another day.
I
will, however throw in a little revelation that I made, upon some reflection.
What if this cursed validation, is the reason why we actually manage to get out
of our beds and comb our hair, feed our cats, show up at our miserable
workstations, smile through our boss’s terrible jokes, listen to our partner
complain about her terrible boss, diligently witness our friends fuck up or
rise up, make grand life plans and relinquish grand life plans- all in a day’s
time. And keep doing this repeatedly till we see a shiny little metaphorical
thumb pointing up at the end of it all, belonging to our friend/parent/partner/boss/cat. Is it really that awful to want to do
something because it gives you an additional sense of worth? I mean sure you
can argue that it all starts with a small stamp of approval and before you know
it, you are posting a bazillion #Goodnight selfies to get you the 10 likes you
need for a good night’s sleep. But
that’s just a gross extremity.
What
if we managed to strike a balance, what if we let some of our actions governed
by our desire to receive an A-O.K. from our society? Actions that lead to self-improvement and
increased probability of happiness. This blog, for instance, is likely a
manifestation of my need to be acknowledged as someone with a semblance of
creative prowess. See what the world would have missed out on if I hadn’t ignored
this annoying voice in my head asking me to drop the act, and continue being
the lazy ass that I am? Every time I step out of my beloved comfort zone, a part
of me is just trying to give my inner critic or some speck of society, the one
fingered salute. And I will probably go as far as to say that many of our
bigger decisions are driven by the same sense of validation. Marriage- the most
unnatural and fiscally fatal establishment, still exists because our society
has refused to sanction any other form of romantic co-habitation- at least the
Indian society. But it does kind of work, in a twisted way (I love all you
married people though, and obviously secretly maintain my dream wedding
scrapbook since puberty) And travel- the single most uniting exercise of the millennial.
The newfound childhood dream and collective passion of an entire generation. Sure
many of us are doing this for the likes, shares and re-tweets, but ask the
booming travel industry, they must be worshiping the validation Gods. And we
might just end up accidentally evolving a little in this process.
Okay,
maybe it’s time I hit the brakes. On
parting note though, riddle me this- if we all just behaved the way our
primordial instincts demanded us to, or stopped giving two tiny hoots about the
society’s view of us, would we able to maintain civility? If we stopped caring
about approval- self or external (in small measures), could we really be more
than what we are at this point?
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