The Cool Girl Conundrum

The one where I discover the correlation between being a cool girl and a happy girl- hint: there is none!

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl”

-Outpouring of truth and wisdom, by Gillian Flynn in her brilliantly crazy thriller- Gone Girl.

And here is another line that follows the quote- Men actually think she exists! Now if this doesn’t capture the reality of modern dating/relationship for women then I don’t know what does? Now, one might say that I am quoting a bat shit maniacal murderer as the authority on relationships, but hand to heart-  do you really not see the truth in this mildly exaggerated rant?

I am not saying all of us have lost our individuality to become the perfect little cool girls for the men in our lives but at some point most of us really just wanted to be labeled ‘cool’ more than ‘intelligent’, ‘funny’, ‘talented’ or ‘ambitious’. And what exactly defines ‘cool’?  Apart from the aforementioned examples, what it really means is being the man himself. Be what he is, in all its glory while maintaining a perfect 10. And if you fail to replicate his apparent awesomeness, be the one who is ‘cool’ with everything he does/says/eats/drinks/farts.  Forget your love for pink and hold those cosmos, because being the ‘cool’ girl means you have to let go of all things feminine and God forbid if you have any feminist ideas. Extra points, if you indulge in feminist bashing, and stand up for the ‘cause’ of ‘inequality’ faced by men.

What really baffles me the most is that a lot of men don’t even realize that there is such a need for validation that women constantly seek. It would be unfair to blame them for us putting up this façade because we feel that it’s the only way to receive their approval, respect or love. Only chip on the shoulder however, is that men refuse to acknowledge that there is no such thing as a perfectly cool girl They continue believing in the myth just like they believe in Sunny Leone’s ‘real’ boobs. Hate to break it you boys but your girlfriend isn’t actually a ‘Gunner’s girl’ as she promised you and blow jobs don’t really ‘do it’ for her and she is surely not that into other women as she professes to be. But these are generalizations and there could be different versions of the cool girl depending on the guy she is with. If she is with a guy who’s into girls who love pink, she will become a walking mass of cotton candy with a bow on top. If the guy likes grunge, you can spot her with a resting bitch face and kohl smeared till her neck. All iterations leading to one goal- Like me, love me, respect me!

Some might say that as women grow older, they get more comfortable with how they are but this need for validation often sets a strong masochistic foundation. We might stop asking pointed questions like- ‘I am chilled out right? RIGHT!?’ at 29 but we still ‘understand’ for the 100^th time when our partner forgets that special date and decides to work late while we wait for him wearing his favorite dress after having cooked his favorite meal. Congratulations, from being a ‘cool girl’ we have now graduated to being a ‘cool woman’.

Needless to say, it is not a sustainable approach to make yourself happy or even desirable for that matter; no wolf in a sheep’s clothing can stay there for too long- even if the clothing makes him look like a  Greek f****ing God.

I am a strong believer in compromise to conquer, when it comes to making a relationship work but losing your identity is too big a price to pay. I have done it in the past (who do you think pretended to be a Gunners Girl) but I was far from being happy and guess what, it probably showed more than I thought. And now, if not 100%, I am mostly me, cool or not.

Go ahead, simplify it. Next time instead of complaining to your BFF about how you hate his favorite female colleague, gently let your man know your reservations of spending too much time with her. Next time he forgets your anniversary, ask him pointedly to make up for it. Don’t miss your Bollywood movie because B-wood is too ‘mainstream’ for his liking.  Forget about being a cool girl. Be the happy girl. And trust me the men will thank you for it. Let them worry about what they like, you go about being your amazingly sexy awesome self.

Love,

Me

You Are (not) What You Share!

The one where I de-construct our troubled relationship with Social Media, anxiety and killer Selfies

This might be uncomfortable for most of us; the idea of admitting that we are all struggling to believe in ourselves every single day when we get out of our beds. The second our eyelids part, we are inundated with information we might or might not want to consume but is pushed down our throat anyway- You boss on his 8^th International vacation this year (while you Google how to spell ‘bon voyage’) your halfwit college friend moves to Europe & inappropriately poses next to Nikki Minaj’s wax statue (while you struggle to make sense of meat ban, porn ban and your reason for existence), Dad’s uncle’s son’s daughter gets a job at Apple (and you fight for a 0.18% hike you were promised 4 years ago), random school friend gets a dream proposal from a seemingly perfect man (way hotter that your boyfriend… the imaginary one of course), best friend’s status professing love and undying allegiance to people who she met at a party (you obviously weren’t invited to).. you get the gist.

Judge Judy has spoken

It would be too simplistic to blame social media for letting us fall in the deep dark pit of anxiety and FOMO (For those living under a rock, it’s the Fear of Missing Out) There might be a small (or MAMMOTH) chance that it’s us feeding the collective anxiety monster. For every piece of information we consume, we retaliate by putting something out there, something that might not be as true as we wish it were. In an attempt to ensure we remain relevant to this unrealistic yet apparently perfect world, we continue to create virtual lives that are as different from our real lives as Sasural Simar Ka and Game of Thrones. The funny thing is that while we post stuff with full awareness of it being only half as glamorous as it looks, we refuse to believe the same for others. Even if we are giving minute by minute update of our vacation because we are too scared to admit it’s turning out boring, we are in denial that everybody else might be doing the same. Result- The Anxiety monster, first fed by our disappointment and then by others’ apparently exciting lives, slowly starts gnawing at our happiness, joy, comfort and satisfaction.  

Now don’t get me wrong, I take and post as many pictures as the next person and in no way claim to be too cool for the school of social media (Occasional stalking has been established to be therapeutic) In fact I strongly believe that there is no higher ground in social media reticence, we all have the right to be as active (or inactive) in the virtual world as we want. However, maybe once in a while we need to ask ourselves a few simple questions to ensure we are not nourishing the ugly mean monster of anxiety that’s betting on a generation of millennial out to outdo each other in a game of  ‘The best unrealistic real life on Social Media’ .

One good question can be- Am I crowding or rewarding my friend’s already cramped and overloaded mindspace? Or you can do what I call the golden ratio of sharing- 70:30. Everytime I post something on social media I categorize the information on one of the two buckets. 7 times I post something that is actually fun and genuine in its spirit and 3 times I do it because well it had to be done. Here are a few key words to help you differentiate between the two-

70 percent- Genuine

·         It was truly an #Amaze time you had (which is unlikely if you posting it while you are having it)

·         It’s important and relevant information and not following an illogical ‘plz repost’ request

·         You would actually be interested in a similar #POTD if someone else put it up (826^th picture of your pet rock is not interesting)

·         An important life event (Losing your virginity on your honeymoon doesn’t count)

·   Your viewpoint on anything you feel strongly about (10 points extra if its logical and well researched) 

30 percent- Has to be done

·         You spent above average time/money/energy for that experience

·         Excruciating Boredom.

·         Recent break ups (Everything is allowed to you except murder)

·         You look good. Really good.

*Of course then there this whole rule book about pouty selfies which is mostly DON’T POST THEM!

If the above doesn’t work for you, well it is a free country (except you can’t eat meat or maggi, say realistic things in movies or have consensual sex of course)

I have just one parting thought; Let’s exercise restraint and encourage authenticity, let’s try to starve the anxiety monster, for we don’t know where it’s going to end- from making us self important narcissists (like him) to driving extreme attention seeking behavior causing serious repercussions (like these) Let’s also try to remember that shares, likes and reposts don’t really determine our worth, our relationships and actions do.

Love,

Me

The T-shirt of truth

PS: Don’t think I miss the irony of this post as I promote it on Facebook, but then we can do with some sporadic validation. Go on then!

'Pitcher' Perfect!

The One where I shower praises on India’s attempt to create watchable content

In the true spirit of ‘Mera Bharat Mahaan’ I am initiating my blogpiece with this short but incredibly sweet new web- series that my Facebook timeline has been raving about. Titled- ‘Pitchers’, it is the second home-grown web-series by popular online youth entertainment network TVF (The Viral Fever).  Some of you might be consuming their content regularly or some (like me) would remember them from their Q-tiyapa videos poking fun at TV’s angry bald men Raghu and Rajiv. You might have also caught the very talented Biswapati Sarkar’s spoof videos of Arnab Goswami, produced by the network. It doesn’t really matter if you have or haven’t seen any of their previous work, because ‘Pitchers’ will give you a pleasant little surprise.

For the uninitiated, ‘Pitchers’ is about four friends who are struggling with their dry /political/uninspiring work-lives and one day, for their respective reasons, decide to leave it all and start their dream run towards launching a successful start up firm. While this remains the basic (and not entirely original) premise to the show, the delightful treatment of the subject took me completely off guard. The five webisodes are a sharp and almost satirical take on India’s booming start up culture.  If you are one yourself or are friends with entrepreneurs in India, you will love the relatability and humour. The progression of the journey of each character seems natural and realistic (Two words that I was yet to use for any Indian television show). All four key characters- the witty dreamer/CEO Naveen Bansal (like if it was possible to create a start up without a Bansal), the shy coding genius/CTO Jeetu, the jugaad king/COO Yogi and the affable chipkoo/CMO Mandal, connect without trying too hard.  I also want to make a special mention to the female characters on the show.  The writers, who, in another first, have shown Indian women as.. well.. Human beings. They have real jobs, ambitions and principals in general. Armed with wit and courage, both the women portray a hugely realistic version of so many women around me and deeply satisfy the feminist in me.  At no point does the show resort to sexism or objectification of women, to elicit laughter. In fact, points out the obvious glass ceiling with a few hilarious references to the miniscule female representation in India’s tech start up industry (Watch out for the Bechdel test reference!)

Of course the most important part is that there is no dearth of LOL moments in the series. In all five episodes, I laughed almost as much as I did, at the American/British TV shows I have recently watched (infact more, in some cases like TBBT) Another interesting element to the show was, that throughout the season the makers did not reveal the ‘idea’ itself that the four ‘pitchers’ were dreaming to realize. This is a solid evidence to the show’s attempt to not convolute the plot or make it technical (alienating any set of audience). What I mean to say is, you don’t exactly need to be an IIT engineer to enjoy the show.

Of course there will be cynics who will give in to the temptation of comparing it with HBO’s Silicon Valley, in which case it will fall short of the expectations, but in all fairness we have a lot of catching up to do. Not all of it will happen immediately, but it’s a great start. Right from the production quality, to music and acting, ‘Pitchers’, for me is almost revolutionary. In a rare occurrence in contemporary Indian entertainment scene, you feel respected as an audience. If you are still not convinced, here are my five top reasons to watch TVF’s Pitchers-

• Audacious take on India’s growing entrepreneurial culture (You also can’t miss the self referential/meta feel to the show, given the back story of its producers)
• Humor. Almost unnoticeable slapstick, I promise
• Realistic yet funny cultural references (Melodramatic/controlling parents, Growing Tinder-ites, Arranged love marriages etc.)
•  Superlative acting by all key actors
•   I just really want to encourage this attempt and hope that it only gets better!

I do understand that most of us are supremely time pressed and only want to watch the crème de la crème of entertainment, which in most cases, is international. But I also feel that even with its flaws, a show like ‘Pitchers’ need to be watched by everyone. It’s just a small way in which we can recognize the audacity of these Indian writers who probably are as sickened by the currently available local options, as all of us are.  And we can all do with a little bit of ‘Tu Beer Hai!’ theory in our lives. (Yes, this was a deliberate plug to interest you in watching the show if you haven’t)

You can catch it on TVF’s website Tvfplay.com or YouTube. Thank me later!

Love,

Me

The First Self-important Blog Post

The reason I have decided to write a blog is a little complicated.

It all started from the time I wrote my first debate piece in class V on the subject of- wait for it- MORAL VALUES. You read it right. Our perfectly healthy education system had 12 year olds rattle three minutes long speeches on ‘moral values’. Well the debatable nature of that debate aside, I did realize that there was only one thing I loved more than chocolate mint ice cream, it was writing. The reason I talk about my love for writing before reading is simply because I discovered it before I found out the joys of reading. On a comparative scale of enjoyment, however, reading wins hands down. Allow me to draw a parallel; writing and reading are as different as baking a cake and eating one. Both are rewarding experiences and are completely symbiotic, however it’s more fun to just to eat a cake.

Anyway, I digress. Coming back to the totally irrelevant story of this blog, the idea really, is create a platform for all readers/TV & film enthusiasts/Travellers, who like to devour and experience well- marketed and commercially successful books/TV shows/Travel destinations. It’s mostly to bring together the lovers of everything that’s popular and create a fruitful dialog and discussions on the things that spark the interest of millions.

Okay that sounds a bit too ambitious/pretentious.

The real reason for the blog is to let me remember the books that I have read/shows that I watched/places that I travelled. Yes I am afraid I am currently suffering from a rare disease of ‘Can’t-frigging-remember-the-things-I-do’ syndrome. Unfortunately no one has a created a social campaign to contribute to its treatment, but I am sure your love and engagement on the blog will help.

So now that you have fully digested in some scrambles, the thoughts of the writer, keep sharing bouquets and brickbats.

Love,
Me