The Cool Girl Conundrum

The one where I discover the correlation between being a cool girl and a happy girl- hint: there is none!

“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl”

-Outpouring of truth and wisdom, by Gillian Flynn in her brilliantly crazy thriller- Gone Girl.

And here is another line that follows the quote- Men actually think she exists! Now if this doesn’t capture the reality of modern dating/relationship for women then I don’t know what does? Now, one might say that I am quoting a bat shit maniacal murderer as the authority on relationships, but hand to heart-  do you really not see the truth in this mildly exaggerated rant?

I am not saying all of us have lost our individuality to become the perfect little cool girls for the men in our lives but at some point most of us really just wanted to be labeled ‘cool’ more than ‘intelligent’, ‘funny’, ‘talented’ or ‘ambitious’. And what exactly defines ‘cool’?  Apart from the aforementioned examples, what it really means is being the man himself. Be what he is, in all its glory while maintaining a perfect 10. And if you fail to replicate his apparent awesomeness, be the one who is ‘cool’ with everything he does/says/eats/drinks/farts.  Forget your love for pink and hold those cosmos, because being the ‘cool’ girl means you have to let go of all things feminine and God forbid if you have any feminist ideas. Extra points, if you indulge in feminist bashing, and stand up for the ‘cause’ of ‘inequality’ faced by men.

What really baffles me the most is that a lot of men don’t even realize that there is such a need for validation that women constantly seek. It would be unfair to blame them for us putting up this façade because we feel that it’s the only way to receive their approval, respect or love. Only chip on the shoulder however, is that men refuse to acknowledge that there is no such thing as a perfectly cool girl They continue believing in the myth just like they believe in Sunny Leone’s ‘real’ boobs. Hate to break it you boys but your girlfriend isn’t actually a ‘Gunner’s girl’ as she promised you and blow jobs don’t really ‘do it’ for her and she is surely not that into other women as she professes to be. But these are generalizations and there could be different versions of the cool girl depending on the guy she is with. If she is with a guy who’s into girls who love pink, she will become a walking mass of cotton candy with a bow on top. If the guy likes grunge, you can spot her with a resting bitch face and kohl smeared till her neck. All iterations leading to one goal- Like me, love me, respect me!

Some might say that as women grow older, they get more comfortable with how they are but this need for validation often sets a strong masochistic foundation. We might stop asking pointed questions like- ‘I am chilled out right? RIGHT!?’ at 29 but we still ‘understand’ for the 100^th time when our partner forgets that special date and decides to work late while we wait for him wearing his favorite dress after having cooked his favorite meal. Congratulations, from being a ‘cool girl’ we have now graduated to being a ‘cool woman’.

Needless to say, it is not a sustainable approach to make yourself happy or even desirable for that matter; no wolf in a sheep’s clothing can stay there for too long- even if the clothing makes him look like a  Greek f****ing God.

I am a strong believer in compromise to conquer, when it comes to making a relationship work but losing your identity is too big a price to pay. I have done it in the past (who do you think pretended to be a Gunners Girl) but I was far from being happy and guess what, it probably showed more than I thought. And now, if not 100%, I am mostly me, cool or not.

Go ahead, simplify it. Next time instead of complaining to your BFF about how you hate his favorite female colleague, gently let your man know your reservations of spending too much time with her. Next time he forgets your anniversary, ask him pointedly to make up for it. Don’t miss your Bollywood movie because B-wood is too ‘mainstream’ for his liking.  Forget about being a cool girl. Be the happy girl. And trust me the men will thank you for it. Let them worry about what they like, you go about being your amazingly sexy awesome self.

Love,

Me